If I Unfollow You
Never did I ever think I would write something like this, but here I am.
To everyone who I’ve unfollowed and unfriended:
Before I write anything, I think it out. I think about lines I want to use, sentences I’ll avoid, feelings I want to portray. However, this was one I started writing only to realize that I had it all wrong. I was going to write this like a break up letter, it’s not me it’s you, but it’s not really either of us. It’s just circumstance. I was going to say that I’m not sorry, but I a little bit am. Only a little bit, but it’s still there.
Before I get into this, just know that you’re not alone. I’ve recently felt some change in my life, a shift of what’s important to me. I wouldn’t say it’s dramatic, but it was a little eye-opening to me. I’m a control freak. I like knowing exactly what’s going on at all times. I want to know every detail, I don’t want to feel left out or like I’m missing something. Social media amplified this for me. If I wasn’t following everyone I knew, I was missing out. If I didn’t see every single post, I was missing out. No matter what I did, I was always missing out. I was trapped by social media. It gave me the tools to be “apart” of something, but I now know there’s nothing really to be apart of when it comes to liking pictures, statuses, or tweets online. I was never more or less apart of something, I was just stuck.
This is where you come in. In the last 3 weeks, I’ve deleted 250 people on Facebook, unfollowed 70 people on Instagram, 45 on Twitter, and 50 on Snapchat. It’s not personal. Again, you’re not alone.
Back to I’m sorry. I feel like it’s not a standard “I’m sorry” or a sorry that you’re expecting. I’m not sorry for deleting or unfollowing you. I’m sorry you may be upset, but I’m mostly sorry that we’re no longer in each other’s lives, that we hardly know each other, or that I couldn’t remember your name. I’m sorry that our stars weren’t aligned in a way that meant that we were going to make an impact in each other’s lives, even if it was small. I’m sorry we haven’t talked in years or that I’m no longer friends with the only mutual friend we had. I’m not sorry for unfollowing you, I’m not sorry for unfriending you. I’m just sorry that it has to be this way. I’m sorry that I may not have given you a fair chance.
To the people I forgot about, to the friends of friends, to the randos, the bots, the people without profile pictures: I’m sorry. To the girls who bullied me in elementary school, the ones I want to forget, and to the people I will never see again: I’m sorry.
I’m sorry it had to be like this and I’m sorry that you’re no longer in my life.
Then again, I’m no longer in yours either. I don’t deserve a place in yours when I can’t reciprocate it.
I hope you understand.